how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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