I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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