Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
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Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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