Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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