we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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