then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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