DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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