3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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