He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize