booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Boobs speak an international language.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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