We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize