just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your penis caused this!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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