So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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