Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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