I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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