new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize