i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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