i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize