in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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