somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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