hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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