I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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