So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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