I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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