i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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