fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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