This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize