chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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