I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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