Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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