I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize