She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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