If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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