accomplished twins. life is a go
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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