Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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