YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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