The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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