I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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