Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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