In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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