I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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