Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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(212): guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME http://tfl.nu/dcck

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(231): View more from Michigan

Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?

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(231): Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding? http://tfl.nu/57be

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(651): View more from Minnesota

whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.

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(651): whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/g1hs

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(501): View more from Arkansas

All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.

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(501): All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware. http://tfl.nu/9chk

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(208): View more from Idaho

U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

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(208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj

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(530): View more from California

the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.

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(530): the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been. http://tfl.nu/so6l

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(404): View more from Georgia

He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.

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(404): He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius. http://tfl.nu/ents

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.

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(717): Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated. http://tfl.nu/4rw5

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(845): View more from New York

There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.

(845): View more from New York

Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.

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(845): There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help. (845): Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me. http://tfl.nu/1wp4

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(786): View more from Florida

It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...

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(786): It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries... http://tfl.nu/iebn

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(479): View more from Arkansas

everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow

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(479): everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers (1-479): trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow http://tfl.nu/b3n0

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.

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(267): No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool. http://tfl.nu/pfhs

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(785): View more from Kansas

His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.

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(785): His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less. http://tfl.nu/hesm

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(512): View more from Texas

Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.

(512): View more from Texas

I found Cheetos.

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(512): Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life. (512): I found Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/4vfh

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(613): View more from Ontario

Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them

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(613): Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them http://tfl.nu/25vp

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