is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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