clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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