she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize