The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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