I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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