I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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