i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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