Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I could make wine with my vomit
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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