I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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